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The Man and The Moon. by =killerfairy:iconkillerfairy:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Romantic > Other Romance > Fixed


He once said to me,
"You are a woman of beauty,
A woman of light.
Full of grace and bittersweet naivety.
Soul full of sorrow."

I laughed at this and took his hand,
Under bright stars,
And the pale moon,
We danced upon the sand.

That day my heart was ripe,
And he filled it with his pain.
He set me free to wait for him,
To love him in vain.
©2008-2009 =killerfairy
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Submitted: January 20, 2008
File Size: 514 bytes
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Comments: 15
Favourites & Collections: 7 [who?]

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Author's Comments

Whatever tomorrow brings, Ill be there,
With open arms and open eyes.
Drive - Incubus.

I admit, I find this kind of shitty.
I changed a lot of it.
But here it is, critiqueplz?
Written about 3 months ago.

EDIT: *Deadrosebud suggested that I take some of the ands out, so I've done that, think it looks alot better now, thanks for the suggestion. :)

© Amy Louise Davis 2008.
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Critiques


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Comments


~Mind-Illusi0nZ:iconMind-Illusi0nZ: Jan 20, 2008, 1:40:14 PM
Very nicely written hun :hug:
=Deadrosebud:iconDeadrosebud: Jan 20, 2008, 4:23:07 PM
Short and sweet as always Amylove.

The only thing I can think of to critique is the repetition of "and", kind of makes it bland.

:heart:

--
Dead Is The New Alive
=PimpinRose:iconPimpinRose: Jan 20, 2008, 4:26:28 PM
That is absolutely gorgeous.

It's short, but every line holds something important.
An expression that's not just thrown out there, it is structured, defined.

As Jezz said, and most usually said with short poems that are good.

Short and sweet, Amy.

--
That is happiness; to be dissolved into something completely great.
~cheddarxcat:iconcheddarxcat: Jan 20, 2008, 6:02:23 PM
Critique:

It's unbelievable. Great job. ;D

--
A kiss under the misteltoe..

You know, misteltoe can be deadly if you eat it.

And a kiss can be deadlier if you mean it.

-Batman Returns
~Iceman1387:iconIceman1387: Jan 20, 2008, 8:18:41 PM
This one is honestly Fantastic Amy no improvement needed Great job :heart:

--
Jacob :rose:

Every Rose Has Its Thorn
=killerfairy:iconkillerfairy: Jan 23, 2008, 2:52:17 PM
Thanks. :aww:

--
Nurse Amy. :ambulance:

:batman::gun::spidey:

Tis known that I am a pretty piece of flesh.
- Shakespeare.
~HiddenDusk:iconHiddenDusk: Jan 24, 2008, 5:29:24 PM
Very short, but sweet.

--
"Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." - Matthew 26:41 (NKJV)
=killerfairy:iconkillerfairy: Apr 2, 2008, 5:11:16 PM
Thanks alot. :)

--
Nurse Amy. :ambulance:

:batman::gun::spidey:

Tis known that I am a pretty piece of flesh.
- Shakespeare.
=killerfairy:iconkillerfairy: Apr 2, 2008, 5:12:45 PM
Thanks so much! :D

--
Nurse Amy. :ambulance:

:batman::gun::spidey:

Tis known that I am a pretty piece of flesh.
- Shakespeare.
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